The Beginning of the End of Learning

I have been on a journey for several weeks, the specifics of which shall remain for another time. It has been fraught, FRAUGHT with emotions. Serious emotions. Even depression (the real thing.)

What I have learned, what I found at the bottom of this particularly deep rabbit hole is this: the emotional mind has 2 sides or facets to it. One is Childish, the other Adult.

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” 1 Corinthians 13:11 ESV

I determined that the destructive and most fearful thoughts and emotions I felt during this journey were a result of my childish emotional mind. The child cares not for what it costs to get what it wants, or what wreckage is causes. Fuck it all, burn it down. This was a strong component of my old pattern, and wreckage it did cause. And while it may have actually saved my life 30 years ago it was childish nonetheless.

When I experienced those fearful and destructive thoughts I was able to turn towards them ( a benefit of controlling attention!) and I began to see them for what they were. Childish. True, but still…

And I carried on down the rabbit hole, knowing that I was not yet at the end and the learning there. The journey itself is learning of course, but the most important lesson could only be found at the bottom. And there it was, at the end of the journey…

I learned two things: First, that my adult emotional mind was not destructive, as opposed to the childish one. The adult emotional mind is curious and creative. “Some men look at things as they are and ask “why?” I dream of things that never were and say “Why not?”” G.B. Shaw

The common, vapid and superficial response to my journey tended to be “Stop! You’re going down the wrong path! It will lead to destruction.” True, if the mind was that of a child. But mine is not. The “why not?” is an expression of the elevated, evolved emotion of love. The expression of the greatest gift one person can give to another. The gift of your best self, your authentic self. This is the second lesson.

If I love you I want to offer you the gift of myself. Without fear and with full vulnerability. Without condition, expectation or attachment to how you respond. The real gift is this: that you now have the choice to respond in kind and give me the gift of yourself, knowing that you will not be judged, that you are safe, that you are loved without agenda. No attachment, condition or expectation. This is freedom to love with full authenticity, the giving and receiving of our best selves.

Beware though; if any expectation, condition or attachment is present or becomes present it will block or filter both the giving and receiving. This is the common, the superficial, the childish and the fearful. Turn your mind towards these diseases and understand them. Understanding destroys their authority and frees the soul to experience love.